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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Airport...
 


Airport

We arrive at the airport, boarding passes in hand, only to find our flight has been canceled. Not to worry, United Air has changed us to Delta. I hate Delta's self-service kiosks and small, crowded planes, without enough room for luggage. I try to avoid them.

The ticket agent books us for the last two seats available. How lucky can you get? Not very, as Delta somehow tickets us to Las Vegas instead of Nashville. Thank goodness, we notice the tickets are wrong and return to the Delta service counter.

While the baggage handler makes a mad dash to retrieve our checked luggage before it takes a trip to Las Vegas without us, we try to get tickets to the right place. As luck would have it, the final two seats are now gone and there are no more flights to Nashville until tomorrow.

I've seen this movie, people spending the night in the airport, sleeping on suitcases. No, thanks.

"If you can get to Boston," says the Delta manager who has magically appeared from somewhere to straighten out the mess, "We can get you on a flight from there."

Boston? Might as well be the moon. We do not know the area, will have to rent a car, figure out our way there during rush hour, all before our flight leaves. It isn't happening. I'd rather spend the night in the airport than be lost on the freeway in Boston.

Clicking her magic computer, the manager says we can fly to Boston for a mere $40 each on a connector flight. I don't want to spend the money, but at least we won't be lost in Boston in the fog and rain. Did I forget to mention it is raining?

"Okay, let's do it!" I said.

However, there are apparently no seats available on the commuter flight either. By now I am sitting on the baggage counter with my luggage, watching other customers check in and rush off to the security gate. I wonder if they are all going to Las Vegas. I hate Delta.

"I think they have forgotten us," I murmur, as computer keys click and airport staff ignore us.

Eventually, the magic fairy god-manager returns. "This is not policy," she says, "but I've made arrangements to get you to Boston by ground transport. Take this voucher and go to the taxi stand. I knew it! She has turned a pumpkin into a taxi!

I hope this isn't their way of getting rid of us, I think, as we pull luggage around in the rain and look for a pumpkin-taxi. The driver finds us. "Are you the couple I'm taking to Boston?" he asks.

So, we are chauffeured in a private courtesy car for the hour-long drive to Boston. I love Delta.

The driver drops us at the door of Logan International Airport. At the ticket counter, they figure out an itinerary and fret because we were somehow double charged for luggage, probably due to the Las Vegas fiasco. They decide to write off luggage charges. I love Delta.

Going through security, I get a pat down when I set off the security alarm. It seems the body scanner is on the blink and they are doing things the old-fashioned way. I guess they think I'm a terrorist. Where is my fairy god-manager when I need her to turn some security officers into mice?

However, we have plenty of time. The plane is late, delayed by weather and circling the airport for the third time. We are flying through Detroit to get a flight to Nashville. If we miss the Detroit connection, we will be stranded again. Maybe we should have gone to Vegas.

Detroit Metro is a bland, no nonsense sort of airport. We barely make our connection and finally fly home to Nashville.

Did I mention... I love Delta!



Copyright 2012 Sheila Moss
 
 



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