Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||Interview with Father Time....
Interview With Father Time
Time, before we begin I just have to ask you this. Do you
hate it when your alarm clock goes off in the morning?
Oh, my dear, I do not have a clock or an alarm. Those were
invented for mortals. I move through eternity at my own
speed. When you snooze, you lose.
What is your greatest concern, Father Time?
At my age, I've seen more than I want to think about. I've
seen the rise and fall of civilizations, the birth and death of great leaders.
Itís been worse than reality TV. But such events are merely small
wrinkles in the sands of time.
Well, that's sort of scary. Are you saying that time
In a manner of speaking. People continue to waste time --
some attempt to kill time. But regardless of how much it
is abused, time goes on.
Do you have a hard time deciding what you will do with so
much time on your hands?
No, I am pretty busy making sure that people have enough time to
accomplish what needs to be done. I also travel completely
around the world every day. The way time flies, I should get
frequent flyer miles.
Doesn't it become repetitious, Father Time?
No, not at all, my dear, time never repeats itself, you know.
Each passing day is gone forever and each new day is another episode, sort of
like a soap opera.
Are you looking forward to the New Year then?
Yes, we are busy preparing the nursery for Baby New Year. The past
will become history and we will welcome the birth of a New Year.
We long ago gave up on thinking of baby names and just give them
Do you ever plan to retire?
Oh, no, the baby New Year learns from the experience of past
years. Some kids are smarter than others are. But a few
have not been worth the time it took to potty train them.
Well, if we can move on... You present a striking
figure, Father Time, in a long white robe with your flowing
beard. Do you ever have time for romance?
I did have a bit of a thing with Mother Nature, but she wants
her own way. I've been around too long to put up with a
conniving female who wants to turn back time and change the
natural environment. Silly woman is always having temper
tantrums too, five hurricanes last summer. I keep telling the
woman that time goes forward, not backwards.
What do you do for fun, Father Time?
Oh, I play a few little games from time to time. Mortals always
say they have no time. If they would just manage it better, they would
have all the time in the world. I get a kick from being sure that there
is never quite enough time to do everything, though. Gives us guys an excuse
for not getting chores finished before the football game comes on TV.
That reminds me, what time it is?
Good question. Every since the beginning of time people have
attempted to figure that out. They have made sundials, used
water, invented pendulums, worn quartz watches, and now measure
it in nanoseconds. It's all the same to me -- just one doggoned
day after another.
Well, time is about up. We probably need to end this
interview. Do you have any parting thoughts?
No, but if you think of a new way to save time, let me know.
I could use a little time out myself, maybe take a wee vacation
and get out of Greenwich for a while. But. . . I need to
go now. Time never stands still. It's almost midnight and I've
got an appointment at Times Square.
Happy New Year, Father Time!
And there you have it, an interview with the legendary Father
Time. I sure hope the new baby doesn't arrive early.
It would spoil his entire philosophy.
Copyright 2005 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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