Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||Fashion Police On Duty....
The Fashion Police Are On Duty
is a citation to appear before the Fashion Police to be criticized.
It's fashion week in New York, the only reason needed for the Fashion
Police to be out in full force. The clothes you think are cool are not
cool at all. "Comfortable" is not a word in our vocabulary.
Comfortable does not make a fashion statement. You must learn to value
being fashionable over being comfortable.
Starting at the bottom, you should wear high heel shoes. These flat
shoes that you find comfortable are unacceptable. You've been seen at
a store buying shoes with rubber bottoms like a tennis shoe. Next
thing, you will be at the shoe store trying on Naturalizers.
If you must wear jeans, they should be tight, and slim to show off
your derriere, not loose in the seat to because you have a fat bottom.
Jeans with elastic tops should be avoided like a Goodwill store. Just
because a stretchy waist is comfortable does not mean it is in style.
Remember the golden rule of fashion: Thou shalt not forsake a
designer label for the sake of comfort.
That swimsuit with a little skirt attached gave us Fashion Police a
good laugh. Don't worry, we will not tell anyone about it. Designers
would not believe that anyone would be caught dead wearing a granny
swimsuit anyhow. Wear a two-piece or stay off the beach.
Tops that are long and loose are not in style. Blouses and sweaters
that are belted are in fashion now. If you were not wearing those
(cough) elastic waistbands, you wouldn't have to worry so much about
covering them up.
Wearing longer skirts and dresses so you can sit down and not have to
worry about what's showing is ridiculous. Even more ridiculous is
thinking that if you wait long enough, hemlines will go back down. You
should know by now hemlines will only go down after you to cut off all
your skirts and make them short.
Fashion week in New York brings out all the designers, models and
beautiful people. You should pay more attention to what's hot and
what's not. Who designed what is in all the media. Convincing people
to wear over-priced clothes and make designers rich is what fashion
changes are all about.
Clothes have become so revealing that CBS had to issue a "dress
code" to keep women from showing too much at the recent Grammy
Awards. Isn't that the job of the Fashion Police? Many ignored their
suggestions and bared it all anyhow. From now on, let the Fashion
Police decide what is appropriate.
Ladies purses are getting larger. Women need a $500 purse with a
designer's name written all over it. Never mind if they are so big and
heavy they need luggage wheels. You need to impress people. Otherwise,
your friends will think you are too cheap to splurge on a good purse
What about coats and jackets? Don't get us started. Warmth might be a
consideration, but not necessarily the first consideration. Those
bulky coats that zip up and have a hood are just plain tacky. You can
do better. The little black jacket is this year's fashion hit. Get one
if you hope to be at all chic. Black is in, black, black, black.
Warning: Failure to heed this fashion citation can and will be
held against you. We will humiliate you on Yahoo OMG by showing
someone else wearing the same outfit, and looking better in it.
Fashion Police are everywhere, just like cheap designer knock-offs.
You can try to avoid us, or ignore us, but you cannot escape the
unsolicited opinions of the Fashion Police.
Copyright 2013 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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