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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Donuts To Go....
 


Donuts To Go

After my sister read my column about bad luck from last week, she sent me an email. "I have my own story," she said. 

"It all started when I decided to run a few errands before picking Mom up for a doctor's appointment. I had been to the bank, and then made my next stop at the jewelry store. Before I left, the clerk laughed and said, "Now don't have an accident while admiring your shiny clean wedding band." 

"That must have been the curse." 

She went on to say that she checked in the mirror and thought the space was clear as she started to back out. But, "I heard a loud CRUNCH as I hit a car behind me. It had pulled into the space at the same time I was backing up." 

She decided to pull forward as her car was against the door of the other car and there were passengers inside.

"'As I put the car into drive, I went into some kind of panic mode. My car careened forward and I crashed right through the plate glass window of the doughnut shop next to the jewelry shop. All I saw was falling glass."

Now, I have to interject here that my sister is normally a very careful driver and has probably never had an accident before in her entire life, much less committed terrorism against a donut shop.

"Everyone came rushing up to see if I was OK. I was fine, but I sure felt stupid, with the front of my car sticking into the doughnut place. Miraculously, nobody was injured."

It gets worse...

"Suddenly sirens started sounding, and police, fire trucks, and city officials started zeroing in on the place. I had destroyed the best doughnut place in town, so naturally the police were concerned." 

"People with cameras started stopping to take pictures. I prayed I would not be on TV. Someone joked that I created my own drive-through."

"My car was dragged away to the body shop. Luckily, I did not receive any type of citation. I've been getting lots of phone calls from insurance people yesterday and today." 

"The doughnut shop got the window boarded up and was back in business in just a couple of hours." 

“I'm not telling anyone I know about the whole thing, because I feel like a major idiot. I'm the crazy old lady who ran through the store front," said my sister. So, to help her out, I decided I’d put the story on the Internet where her secret would be safe. 

After the accident, she called Mom to tell her to cancel her doctor's appointment, as she had a wreck and couldn’t make it. Mom was hysterical, as usual. "I knew you had a wreck before you even called," Mom said. Mom always imagines the worse possible explanation for being late, so finally she got to be right. 

"Mom decided that my new car had been jinxed from the start, and she always thought it didn't sound right." If you can't blame anyone else, blame the car for being cursed, I guess. 

"So that's my bad luck story for this week," says my sis. "Can you top it?"

No, I don't think so, but probably the reason she didn't make the evening news was that someone else crashed an SUV into the bedroom of a house on the same day, stealing her thunder. 

It must have been a good day for crashing cars into buildings. 


Copyright 2009 Sheila Moss
 
 



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