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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Daylight Saving Time....
 



Only a Matter of (Daylight Saving) Time

Are you on time? What time is it? Did you make it in time, or has time run out? Are you out of time? Do you need more time? Are you saving time? Is only a only a matter of time?

This weekend is the big focus on time as it is "remember to reset the clock" weekend. We are supposed to get back that hour we've been saving every day since springing time forward in March.

I really hate all this time resetting stuff. My body doesn't work right. My bio-rhythms are not synchronized. I staggered around half asleep for a week when they took my hour away last spring.

And now that I've finally adjusted, they are changing time again. Sure, the daylight in the morning will be nice. I really despise driving to work in the dark. And I can almost make it home at night before it is dark again.

As far as being sleepy, turning back time really doesn't help much. I should go to bed an hour earlier, but I'm not sleepy. So, I stay up late and then, can you believe it, I'm sleepy when I get up the next morning.

This stupidity needs to stop. There ought to be a law. Oh, wait, there is a law -- except the law is that we all participate in this foolishness. Is there anyone anywhere who actually likes this daylight saving time stuff? If there is, we need to find that person and stomp him.

The entire thing doesn't make a lot of sense. Everyone explains why differently. One person says the time change is from the olden days when we were an agrarian culture and needed more daylight time to work the farm.

Oh, please! Who farms anymore -- maybe two percent of the population? Farms are giant corporate enterprises, farming with machinery and turning out food by the truckloads. They really don't need extra daylight to hitch up Old Nellie to the plow.

Others say it started because of the war. What war? World War II? The story goes that we saved energy and power for the war effort by messing with the time so that we have more daylight during the hours people are awake.

Actually, that makes more sense to me than the Farmer in the Dell story. Except, the war is over, people! It's been over since before most of the population was even born. We've had, oh, about four or five wars since that one. Or didn't they notice? Are we still fighting a war that ended 66 years ago by setting our clocks forward and backwards?

I can't stand it.

And some idiot decided it would be a good idea to make the nonsense a LAW? A law, people! We all have to do it because it's the law. Except Arizona. Why not Arizona? Oh, who knows? Who cares? But if I adjust my entire life twice a year, Arizona should too.

All the people who hate daylight saving time used to threaten to move to Arizona and refuse to participate anymore. But that was before they found out about the dust storms. Maybe Arizona already had all the aggravation they could stand without adding time changes.

As you can see, the mere thought of a time change is making me grouchy already. Bah, humbug, people. Get out of my face. I have to check the smoke alarm. They give us an extra hour and then tell us what to do with it. Check the batteries in the smoke alarm.

They say that someday things may change but for right now we just have to live with it. But, I say no! Return the clocks to the people. Forward this to every legislator you know and demand that politicians leave time alone!

But, would you mind if I make a quick trip and pick up some new batteries for the smoke alarm first?


Copyright 2011 Sheila Moss
 
 



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