Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
To carry her weekly column in your
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article, please contact her. It's that easy.
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Online Since 1999
||Processing the Upgrade....
Processing the Upgrade
Hear ye, hear ye,
management hath decreed that all staff shall have a new PC whether they need it
or not. Well, actually, I sort of do need a new computer. My old office machine
was perfectly fine until it was loaded down with bloated programs that require
more resources to run than the city of New York.
My poor little 'puter tries and tries, but it just can't do it. It freezes up
like an arctic winter and I have to shut programs down, defrost, re-boot and
spend half my time praying that whatever I was working on was saved and I don't
have to do it again. Oh, the joys of our technological world. No wonder the
muscles in my neck are so tight.
A window pops up, "Do you want to send your error to Microsoft?" Heck,
no! All that does is take even more time. It isn't going to fix my problem - not
enough processing juice. So, I reopen my browser and it informs me that my last
session crashed, as if I didn't know. "No, I do not wish to return to where
I was before." If it crashed once, I do not want to see if I can do it
again. The muscles in my neck become tighter.
There have rumors of new computers for months now. They are coming, but we don't
know when. Finally, D-day arrives and so does a computer tech with my new PC on
a cart. My problems are over.
Umm, not quite.
It looks bright and shiny, has a larger screen and a fancy keyboard that doesn't
have the letters on the keys worn off. I've never heard of the brand, probably
came from the lowest bidder, but what the heck? It has tons of gigs and chips or
whatever the stuff is that makes them run like a racehorse instead of a nag.
It's a brand new computer, gal! Eat it up!
Things look different on the new screen. I will have to get used to it. Now,
where is the document I was working on when they came, the five page document? I
search my documents folder, the shared drive, and the trash. No use, it's gone.
I know I saved it. Where did it go? The muscles in my neck twitch into a knot.
Then I find the friendly email saying that new documents today could be lost as
they backed up the system yesterday. I'm so frustrated I could scream, but what
good would that do? The muscles in my neck spasm and the knot in my neck
tightens. I delete all the icons and shortcuts that were transferred from my old
computer and no longer work because they were for programs I no longer have. My
trashcan runs over.
But that isn't all. I am on a phone system that routes my phone through my
computer and guess what doesn't work? Oh, well, they are coming back anyhow to
hook up my printer that has the wrong kind of connection. But the tech doesn't
The phone doesn't ring, my printer doesn't work, my document is lost and I am
becoming more frustrated by the second. I call the help desk (on my personal
cell phone), as if they are going to help me when the techs are busy installing
A message pops up that I need a windows update. How old are these
"new" units anyhow? The muscles in my neck are so tight I can't move
my head. and I cannot figure out what I'm doing at work as I can't do any work.
New computers are a wonderful thing, but right now I would rather have a new
neck, one that doesn't have a knot dancing the twist
Copyright 2013 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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