The Real Thing
Hello, Coca-Cola Marketing Department.
No, I don't know how it happened, boss. Coke has been number one for
over a decade. Everyone loves a Coke. "It's the real thing."
We made that slogan up ourselves, right here in the marketing
And now we've been displaced, reduced to a mere number three as the
best known brand in the world. It is downright humiliating. But seven
of the top 10 were technology firms. It is hard to compete with
technology when they have the newest and greatest stuff first because
they invent it.
No, I'm not trying to make excuses, boss, just trying to explain. You
say the new iPhone 5c and 5s sold nine million already, huh? Well,
consider the fact that the iPhone costs $100 up and a 12 pack of Coke
costs $3.99. If you look at it that way, we are selling a lot more
than they are to earn a profit.
They are now selling iPhones like hotcakes in China? Well, we market
all over the world too, but we are primarily an American company. Coke
provides a little bit of home wherever you are in the world.
"I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony, I'd like
to buy the world a coke and keep it company."
Okay, so they went by financial profits and influence of the product
on people, not units sold.
Yes, the song is an oldie, but still a goody. Quit living in the past,
huh? You are right, boss. We need to come up with something new and
innovative, something that everyone wants, something more seductive
than an iPhone. Great idea, but what?
We tried "New Coke." Boy, was that a bummer. Three months
and we had to bring back the old formula. People get mad when you mess
with the real thing, but they seem to love it when Apple messes with
And don't forget we came up with Coke Zero. It probably comes out of
the same faucet as Diet Coke, but what does it matter? People like it;
and there is Cherry Coke, and Vanilla Coke, and Lemon-Lime Coke and
Marketing didn't come up with those? That was Research and
Well, what about we change the color of the can from
red to silver? Quit screaming in the phone. I was just joking… sort
Yes, I saw the New York Times, USA Today, and CNN. You don't have to
remind me. Apple first, Google second, Coca-Cola third. But remember,
we were first for 13 years. Doesn't that count for anything? It
Well, we can get right on it, boss. We have come with
some with some great ideas already. There is the iPhone app with the
spinning coke bottle; it's like playing spin the bottle. It brings out
the social aspect of having a coke. And there is the Magic Coke Bottle
app that is like the Magic 8 Ball. You shake and it answers your
question. It's a hoot.
Been done before? Not innovative? Well, I expect we will be coming up
with something else for a better iTunes app any day now. You don't
like iTunes apps? You don't want Apple to be successful because of our
apps? Well, at the rate we are going, I'd say there isn't much chance
of that. Ha, ha, ha….
You are not laughing?
Well, at least we beat out Pepsi. Don't say that word in front of you?
Quit screaming! You have to put up a front and pretend not to mind
that we sunk to number three.
Just remember, if it wasn't for marketing, we would still be selling
coke syrup out of a pharmacy. Marketing! That's what made us what we
I really need to get off this iPhone now and get to
Yes, I have an iPhone? Don't you? Doesn't everyone?
That's gratitude for you.