Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||Clothes Gone Crazy
Clothes Gone Crazy
The floor of my
closet is littered with shoes. Not the shoes I wear, those are
on the shoe rack, but other shoes. I'm embarrassed to say how
many there are, but let's just say a lot. Why do I have so many
shoes? I looked to make sure, but I still only have two feet.
I decided this spring that I would try to wear every skirt in my
closet, one each day. Most of them didn't fit any more. Some of
the ones that did fit, I didn't like any more. So what did I do?
What any red-blooded woman would do -- bought more.
My closet is not very large. It is double-racked for tops. I
have favorites that I wear all the time, and others that I
seldom or never wear, but keep in case I one day decide that I
would look smashing in an orange Bohemian top with fringe or
that a red Mickey Mouse flannel flatters me.
We spend way too much time on clothes -- shopping for clothes,
deciding what to wear, washing clothes, drying clothes, storing
clothes, talking about clothes, and getting rid of clothes so we
can buy more clothes. The other day I went shopping and it took all afternoon just to pick out a few
There is a whole industry for clothes, not only for making and
marketing them, but for fashion. What is in style? Are our hems
too short or too long? Are the toes of our shoes too pointy?
What we wear has nothing to do with whether clothes are worn out, or whether we had too many desserts and
they don't fit any more. We must keep up with the style. So, we
throw away perfectly good clothes and get new ones to be in
In the olden days cloth was precious and clothes difficult to
make. Pioneer women probably had only a few dresses and didn't
need a closet. They could hang the extra dress behind the door,
if they had a door, and keep one good dress to wear to Sunday meetings. When a garment became too worn to wear
any more, they cut it up into squares and made a quilt out of
Now we have walk-in closets because we have so many clothes. We
have summer clothes and winter clothes. I store the things that
are out of season in the attic because I don't have room in my
closet. I try to donate things to charity that I'm sure will never fit again, in spite of my prayers and
vows to diet. Still, I have too many clothes.
I wonder what clothes will be like in the future. Will we never
wear the same thing twice? Will clothes be made out of paper and
disposable after use like the paper gowns used at the doctor's
office? If dresses were paper, we wouldn't have to worry about
being in style as we would always have on the newest fashion.
Maybe clothes will be plastic like a grocery bag and thrown in
the trash after being used once. We could use our closets for
storage space and recyclers could come up with creative uses for
old dresses besides using them to line our trash cans. We could keep a box of pop-up dresses on the dresser.
Or maybe we will go in the other direction and all wear silver
jump-suits like in science fiction movies. Everyone will look
and dress the same in silver jumpsuits that last forever and
never get dirty. That's science fiction, all right. Someone
would sew a ruffle on one and we would be off again.
It's probably just as well. I don't think I would look very good
in a silver jump- suit anyhow. And what in the world would you
do if your zipper broke and you had nothing else to wear?
Copyright 2011 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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