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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Going in Circles....
 


Going in Circles


automobiles,autos,cars,circling the globe,Earth,globes,maps,metaphors,motor vehicles,planets,transportation,trucksWe were trying to drive to Macon, Georgia, for a newspaper columnists conference. Notice how things never seem to go right when you are trying to get somewhere? A few miles down the road, Honey remembered he forgot something. 

"Let's stop and check -- NO, not here!" as he started to pull off the side of the Interstate. We would never get back on the highway as fast as the traffic flowed. We circled the cloverleaf on exit ramps until I was dizzy.
 Finally, we stopped on the side of the less busy bypass. And he found that he had his stuff after all. End of that story.

Did you know you can drive from Nashville to Macon, GA in 4 hours if set the cruise control on 70 mph and don't stop to eat or go the bathroom? That was fun.

When we arrived, we were hungry, but couldn't find anywhere to eat. The hotel was downtown and restaurants all closed after lunch. Apparently at 5:00 p.m. in a small town, they roll up the streets and go home. We found out that we need to eat early, and remember to reset our watches to eastern standard time.

The GPS didn't seem to work right in a small area. Macon has a lot of very strange U turns. Instead of left turns you go past where you want to go and make a U turn. The GPS fell in love with U turns and had us going in circles again. How can you get lost in a place as small as Macon? Finally, we just quit listening to the GPS and used our eyes. I think the GPS is still downtown somewhere making U turns.

Finally, we found a restaurant that appeared to have the lights on. We had to circle the block and check again to be sure. I looked it up on my smart phone and where the price should be, it said $$$$. But I was starving, so we decided to eat there anyhow before they also closed.

Honey was wearing shorts, as usual. "I may not be dressed for an expensive place," he said. To make it worse, a man in a suit and a lady in heels shot by us and went in. On the door was a sign, "Proper attire required." Macon is a city of quaint little restaurants and southern charm. But I couldn't see a place in a small town with the streets rolled up turning down business, so we went in. They seated us at a table for two and didn't blink an eye. Guess what? Other people were wearing shorts too.

When we got back to the hotel, my computer was still on the restaurant referral page where I had tried to look for a restaurant. So, I clicked the review button and gave my review. Did you know I am now a self-proclaimed restaurant critic since reviewing the redneck barbecue joint a few weeks ago in a column?

"Tries to be fancy," I said. "It is in an old area of town in a refurbished building. The food is very good. (It was) and very overpriced (no kidding) and the service was very slow. I found out later that slowness is a southern thing. Some people actually liked the restaurant and gave it a five-star rating. They really should get out more.

The next morning I would wake up with a splitting headache. The time change to EST had not help much either. It was probably the glass of wine that I had with dinner. I'm not used to drinking wine. I really should get out more.


Copyright 2012 Sheila Moss
 
 



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