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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Christmas Funnies...
 


CHRISTMAS FUNNIES


Santa is watching, please donít do anything to embarrass him.

Christmas spirit is a mysterious force that causes people to max out their credit cards.

Iím dreaming of a white Christmas - so wake me up if I start shoveling the driveway.

I believe in Santa Claus, but Santa believes in Toys R Us.

Donít look a gift horse in the mouth -- gift horses have terrible breath.

You canít string more lights outside than your redneck neighbor -- donít even try.

The best things come in small packages, so why do large packages look so much better under the Christmas tree?

Thereís no place like home for the holidays -- but Iíd still rather go to Hawaii.

I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. For the rest of the year you are on your own.

Thereís nothing as good as an old-fashioned Christmas, except maybe a new-fangled electronic toy.

Here comes Santa Claus -- tracking soot all over the rug again.

If you forget to leave cookies & milk, Santa also accepts VISA.

The closer we get to Christmas, the longer the kidís ďI wantĒ list becomes.

You will always get the most Christmas cards from the people you forgot.

If you canít remember where you hid the Christmas presents, ask the kids.

If motherís way is best, let her assemble the bicycle.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow Ė in other words - Let it slush, let it melt, let it freeze!

Regardless of the laws of physics, the living room shrinks when you put up a Christmas tree.

A perfectly symmetrical tree will always be lopsided when you get it home.

If it werenít for dry fruitcake, what would we have to complain about?

The Christmas lights always work perfectly until you put them on the tree.

If you find the perfect gift, you can depend on it being half-price after Christmas.

The more you clean house, the larger the wrapping paper storm on Christmas morning

Itís easy to wrap a prefect gift, especially if you let the department store do it.

The harder you are trying to diet, the greater the likelihood youíll get candy as a gift.

Of course, Iíve been good -- but donít quote me on that.

Christmas is for children, but you better get your spouse something anyhow.

Christmas comes but once a year, but the bills come every day but Sunday.

Whoever said Christmas is a time of joy, obviously didnít have any relatives visiting..

Remember, itís the thought that counts-- so why do we look for a price tag?

Famous last words -- I have plenty of time left to shop before Christmas.


Copyright 2004 Sheila Moss
 
 



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