Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
weather finally cooled off and thanks to the hurricane in the Gulf, we
had several days of showers and the ground was damp, perfect for
weed-pulling. Furthermore, I had a three day weekend. I was out of
It has been so hot this summer that I've neglected my duty as far as
yard work. I hire somebody to mow the lawn as I long ago decided that
by the time you consider equipment, gasoline, labor and time, it is
worth the price someone else will charge me to do it.
Pulling weeds is another matter. It doesn't take any intelligence to
pull a week, just a lot of time. To me it is not worth paying someone
else to do a job so trivial, so I do it myself. All I'm talking about
here are the weeds that have come through the mulch around the shrubs
and in my flower beds.
Usually, I stay on top of this job before it gets out of hand. This
year, however, there were full grown weeds, pollinating and producing
little baby weeds right in my front yard.
I searched for my garden gloves and couldn't find them, so I decided
to go for it bare-handed. The weeds were a low-growing type. I'm not
certain if they are called chickweed or something else and they didn't
have an ID to check.
The deed turned out not to be as easy as it looked. It was
back-breaking work. I would grab a weed and pull and it would pull
back in an organic tug of war. I learned to grip as close to the soil
as possible and wrestle furiously until it gave in. This continued for
hours, sending them to weed heaven along with their babies. Seems
rather sinister, but weeds are a sinister plant.
I worked down the row in front of the shrubs and then down the row
behind them. I was flipping weeds over the bushes, angry that I had to
do such a menial task, but knowing it had to be done or they would
Sure, I could have sprayed them with weed killer, but then they would
shrivel slowly, produce as many offspring as possible, turn brown, and
look horrible for at least a month. No, it was better to pull them and
repair my unsightly yard. I could go back later and spray the ones
that were too small for me to pull.
Now some people are opposed to killing anything green and some people
are opposed to using chemicals. I'm in favor of anything that makes it
easier for me to get rid of an ugly menace destroying my landscape. I
will worry about being politically correct after the weeds are dead.
Most of the time the weeds would come out of the ground with my
encouragement, but a few of them were the stubborn type. Instead of
coming out, they broke off leaving the root in the ground to
Finally, however, I finished the dastardly deed. My hands were so
black and dirty that I would have to scrub them later with soap and a
scrub brush to get them clean. Why, oh, why did I do this without
gloves? I did not pull the poison ivy and briars growing around a few
of the bushes. I'm not that dedicated. They can wait until I either
find my gloves or buy a new pair.
I raked up the weed piles and stuffed them into a green plastic bag. I
was sore all over but happy to get most of the job done. With all the
work that I did, you would think I could declare victory over
chickweed for a while.
But that isn't the way it works with weeds. The weeds always win...
Copyright 2012 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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