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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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What's Cooking....
 

Easy (for some people) Cheesecake

Have you ever looked at the price of a cheesecake in the grocery store? It is absolutely ridiculous. You can easily make your own. In spite of many previous attempts to cook and the disasters that ensued, this recipe is so easy that anyone can do it.

First, the list of ingredients: 16 ounces of cream cheese, 2 eggs, 1 cup of sugar, 1 tablespoon of vanilla, graham cracker crumbs, whipping cream. No, Cool Whip is not the same thing. You need real whipping cream. It is in the dairy section and comes in a container that says ďwhipping cream.Ē How hard can that be?

Now, here is how to do it.

1.      1.   Put the graham cracker crumbs in a medium baking dish and press down firmly to make a crust. You couldnít find graham cracker crumbs at the grocery store? I canít stand it! Fortunately for my sanity, there is a work around. Crumble up 18 graham crackersÖ. with a rolling pin. Do I have to tell you everything?

2.       2.  Melt one stick of margarine in the microwave. I know it was not on the list. Just get it out of the refrigerator and put it in the microwave. PUT IT ON A DISH! Boy that was close. Whatís burning? Hurry and open the window before the smoke alarm goes off. You should melt butter on low, not high or it will burn up. Throw it away and try again.

3.      3.  Mix the butter and crumbs and press into the baking dish. Okay, you finally did something right. All this trouble and we have not even started the cheesecake.

4.      4.  Now, mix the softened cream cheese with the sugar and eggs. How do you soften it?  You should have left everything out of the refrigerator for a few hours. WATCH OUT! Cream cheese is wrapped in foil and you canít microwave it. I hope you didnít ruin the microwave.

5.      5.  Now mix everything together. The spatula got into the beater? How in the world did you do that? Do you know the meaning of being careful? You donít need a mixer anyhow. Stir it with a spoon. Just trust me.

6.      6.  Add a tablespoon of vanilla. Well, maybe it will not hurt to use two, or three, or whatever. Pass me that bottle of vanilla. I need a nip of vanilla more than the cheesecake does.

7.      7.  Pour it into the pan with the graham crackers. NO! Donít mix it up. Put it the oven at 350 degrees. You forgot to turn on the oven? Why am I not surprised? Set the timer for 22 minutes. While it bakes, you can clean up the kitchen. Be sure to wipe the splatters off the wall, and mop the floor. We can wash the dog later.

8.      8.  That bell is the timer.  Turn off the oven and remove it. Use pot holders. Why didnít I tell you before? I thought you knew something was hot after being in the oven. Just leave it in the oven and let it cool. No wonder experts leave it in the oven to cool. Apparently, they donít know about pot holders either.

9.     9.  Now all we have to do is wait for it to cool and put it in the refrigerator. You can make your own topping, but all things considered, I think we will use a can of cherry pie filling.  Why couldnít you wait until the cheesecake cooled? What a mess. Maybe we can cover it up with Cool Whip. I give up on the whipping cream.

Donít try to cut it until it is cool. You did?  Well, just use a spoon. What does it matter? Now I know why cheesecakes cost so much in the store, $10 for ingredients, $20 for the aggravation.

 


Copyright 2014 Sheila Moss
 
 



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