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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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The Cat Toy....
 


The Cat Toy

Look at the shiny cat toy my humans have put in the living room just for me! I love my humans. It is exactly what I wanted for Christmas, a real tree with shiny balls all over it for me to play with. I think I will pull one off right now. What fun to bat it around on the floor.

What happened? It broke. They just don't make cat toys like they used to. Oh well, there are plenty more. I'll just get another one. This is the best thing my humans have done for me since buying the pool table a few years ago.

Well, these cat balls are all inferior. Wait until my humans find out they are all breaking. They will be furious and return them to the store to get me some new ones that don't break so easily. I have the best humans in the entire world.

Since there are no more cat balls to play with, maybe I will just climb up in the tree and a play king of the mountain. I could see all over the place from the top of the tree. I don't know why it has a star at the top, though. A star won't even roll. Maybe it is a starfish toy filled with catnip. That must be it.
Catnip! All I have to do is climb up and get it.

Why are all these wires wound around my tree? My humans probably didn't notice the wires. They seem to be attached to lights. My foot is caught in one and I can't get loose. Is this tree a cat trap, or what? I could starve to death up here with my foot caught in the wire. I'll just bite the wire in half and get loose.

What happened? How did my fur get all singed? All I can remember is trying to get out of the cat trap. I think I was struck by a bolt of lightning. Lucky for me I have nine lives. All the pretty lights have gone out. They must have been stuck by lightning too.

I don't feel so good, but I still want that catnip starfish. I'm going to look out for the wire cat traps a bit more carefully this time. Wow, the view up here is terrific and I can swing back and forth on the branches. There are even a few cat balls up here that I couldn't reach before.

Well, the stupid tree turned over and I fell on the ground. This good-for-nothing cat toy didn't last very long. My cat balls are all broken, my fur is burnt, and the tree is on its side with wires sticking out of it. Fortunately, cats always land on their feet or I might have been killed. That's two lives gone in one day.

Maybe I will take a nap and rest until my humans get home. The blanket that used to be around the tree looks soft and inviting. My humans will be upset because this toy was inferior. They will return it and get another one that is better.

Yawn, here they come now. I will pretend to be asleep and let them be surprised.

Why have they have locked me in the basement? They acted as if the tree wasn't even a toy for me to play with for Christmas. They called me a bad kitty! Why would they put a tree in the living room and cover it with shiny cat toys if I'm not supposed to play with it? Is it my fault they bought an inferior cat toy?

Sometimes I just can't understand humans.


Copyright 2011 Sheila Moss
 
 



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