Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||The Cat Toy....
The Cat Toy
at the shiny cat toy my humans have put in the living room just for
me! I love my humans. It is exactly what I wanted for Christmas, a
real tree with shiny balls all over it for me to play with. I think I
will pull one off right now. What fun to bat it around on the floor.
What happened? It broke. They just don't make cat toys like they used
to. Oh well, there are plenty more. I'll just get another one. This is
the best thing my humans have done for me since buying the pool table
a few years ago.
Well, these cat balls are all inferior. Wait until my humans find out
they are all breaking. They will be furious and return them to the
store to get me some new ones that don't break so easily. I have the
best humans in the entire world.
Since there are no more cat balls to play with, maybe I will just
climb up in the tree and a play king of the mountain. I could see all
over the place from the top of the tree. I don't know why it has a
star at the top, though. A star won't even roll. Maybe it is a
starfish toy filled with catnip. That must be it.
Catnip! All I have to do is climb up and get it.
Why are all these wires wound around my tree? My humans probably
didn't notice the wires. They seem to be attached to lights. My foot
is caught in one and I can't get loose. Is this tree a cat trap, or
what? I could starve to death up here with my foot caught in the wire.
I'll just bite the wire in half and get loose.
What happened? How did my fur get all singed? All I can remember is
trying to get out of the cat trap. I think I was struck by a bolt of
lightning. Lucky for me I have nine lives. All the pretty lights have
gone out. They must have been stuck by lightning too.
I don't feel so good, but I still want that catnip starfish. I'm going
to look out for the wire cat traps a bit more carefully this time.
Wow, the view up here is terrific and I can swing back and forth on
the branches. There are even a few cat balls up here that I couldn't
Well, the stupid tree turned over and I fell on the ground. This
good-for-nothing cat toy didn't last very long. My cat balls are all
broken, my fur is burnt, and the tree is on its side with wires
sticking out of it. Fortunately, cats always land on their feet or I
might have been killed. That's two lives gone in one day.
Maybe I will take a nap and rest until my humans get home. The blanket
that used to be around the tree looks soft and inviting. My humans
will be upset because this toy was inferior. They will return it and
get another one that is better.
Yawn, here they come now. I will pretend to be asleep and let them be
Why have they have locked me in the basement? They acted as if the
tree wasn't even a toy for me to play with for Christmas. They called
me a bad kitty! Why would they put a tree in the living room and cover
it with shiny cat toys if I'm not supposed to play with it? Is it my
fault they bought an inferior cat toy?
Sometimes I just can't understand humans.
Copyright 2011 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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