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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Cat's New Tree....
 


The Cat's New Tree

DAY 1 - Once of the most joyful things about the holiday season is the tradition of putting up a Christmas tree. At last the tree is up, trimmed and in all its glory. The lights are sparkling and the ornaments glittering.

DAY 2 - Isn't it beautiful, I think, as I stand back to admire it. The cat's green eyes narrow and she looks intently at the strange new object that has entered her world.

DAY 3 - Well, I might have known that the cat could not resist checking out the tree. She even managed to pull off a few of the low hanging ornaments during the night. Isn't that cute? I will hang them back where they belong. She will get used to it and leave it alone after a while. Nice kitty! You must not bother the pretty tree.

DAY 4 - Bad kitty! Look at all those ornaments you pulled off the tree! You are not supposed to bother the tree. You must have pulled off a dozen. How did you get to them? Now I will have to redecorate the entire tree. I can't go through this every day. Scat!

DAY 5 - There are ornaments all over the house, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, and even in the bed. The cat must have gone wild last night. What's the matter with you, stupid cat? I told you to leave it alone. This is not a collection of cat toys for you. Leave it alone? Understand?

DAY 6 - She finally did it. The cat from hell turned the tree over and the ornaments are scattered all over the house. The side of the tree is all mashed in. I pick up the tree, and gather the ornaments. I can fix it later -- after I put out the cat.

DAY 7 - Of course the tree is in the floor again? What did you expect? This is getting to be more trouble than it's worth. If I can find that cat I'm going to kill it! But when I come back from looking for her, the tree is turned over again. The cat can live in the garage until Christmas. I don't care how cold it is.

DAY 8 - The demon cat got back in the house. The tree is upside down and there are ornaments all over the place. The tree is all lopsided, the star has falling off and it has only a few ornaments left hanging on it. Who cares?

DAY 9 - The cat turns the tree over. I put it back up. The cat turns the tree over. I put it back up. The cat turns the tree over. I put it back up. The cat thinks it is a game. You would think that a falling tree would scare the nine lives out of her, but she seems unfazed.

DAY 10 - The tree has been turned over so many times I've lost count. I throw a handful of stupid ornaments at it. What do you need a stupid tree in the house for anyhow?

DAY 11 - Yes, the tree is turned over. Want to make something of it? For your information, I don't have time to put it back up right now. I'm too busy planning creative ways to kill the cat.

DAY 12
- We are probably the only family in the world to put up a Christmas tree and take it back down before Christmas. Humans are really hard to understand. First they give the cat a new toy for Christmas and then they take it back. Hello! What did they expect putting a tree decorated with shiny new cat toys right in the middle of the living room?


Copyright 2009 Sheila Moss
 
 



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