Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
"We've been invited to eat out tonight," said Honey.
"Okay," I replied, thinking of all the things I had
planned to do when I got off work. Plus, it had been a stressful
week of reports, deadlines, and demanding assignments. I'm
Maybe it will be a good thing, I thought; maybe it will help me
"Where are we going," I asked.
"Some place close."
They have a lot of nice restaurants over near the new mall in
Murfreesboro. Or maybe we can go to Bonefish Grill and use the
gift card left from Christmas. Visions of steak, soft music and
immaculate waiters danced in my head.
When I got to the car, Honey pealed out into traffic and headed
in the wrong direction.
"Where are you going? I thought we were going someplace
close to home."
"They want to go to Rivergate to Hooters." I don't
know why Honey had the idea we were going to Murfreesboro. My
enthusiasm was fading rapidly.
Hooters is not the Bonefish Grill. It is a beer and wings kind
of place. I've heard of it, but I can't remember ever going
there. Not that these places can't be fun, but not tonight. But
we were on the Interstate headed north in bumper-to-bumper rush
We were not even sure how to get there. I turned on the GPS on
my phone for directions. "Rivergate Wall is straight ahead,
take exit 96," said the phone.
Eventually we arrived in spite of the traffic and directions to
Rivergate Wall instead of Rivergate Mall. We pulled into the
parking lot and found the other couple sitting on a picnic bench
on a patio with a fabulous view of the parking lot. I climbed
over the picnic table bench and sat down. I guess this is what
is called casual dining.
Our friend went inside to find a waitress dressed in orange
shorts and a tank-top with Hooter across the front. Oh, boy!
"Do you want to eat," she asked? Oh boy, again. Does
she think we came to admire the view?
"Could we get some menus?"
"Sure," she said and brought us three menus for four
people. Most of the entrees were appetizers. I ordered fish
& chips - big mistake - I should have ordered a burger,
something grilled instead of soaked in grease.
Meanwhile, the smell of beer from the table next to us and the
scent of gasoline and exhaust from the parking lot floated in
the air. I didn't need anything to drink as the fumes were
making me high.
The waitress wandered around looking for the right table with
every order that came out. Did you order cheese sticks? Who gets
the tater tots? Apparently, Hooters is popular for reasons other
than good service or food.
I gingerly tried a slice of fried dill pickle. They were as bad
as they sound.
Across the street someone decided to mow a lawn and stir up the
dust and insects. The sound of the mower whirred on and on, so
loud we could hardly hear the people at the next table who were
on the fourth or fifth round of beer.
The waitress finally found four forks and one knife, which we
A guy at the table next to us climbed up on the patio rail and
drank his beer. I don't blame him. I felt like sitting on the
rail with a beer myself, and I don't even drink beer.
"We will call you next time we come," said the couple,
as we waved goodbye.
"Make an immediate U-turn," said my phone, which I
thought I had turned off.
No thanks, I have had enough of Rivergate Wall, Hooters and
anything else Rivergate.
Copyright 2013 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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