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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Car Crazy....
 


YO
U MIGHT BE CAR CRAZY!

We live in a culture that is centered around the automobile. Automobiles are our second most expensive purchase. The automobile and related industries account for a large portion of employment, including manufacturing, sales, insurance, repairs, advertising, motor sports, highway construction, the oil industry, and gasoline sales. The list is almost endless.

For most people, cars are a necessity. Others make cars a hobby. Some are the truly obsessed. They have shows, races, and meets.

Do you treat your car as if it is a member of the family? Do you spend a large portion of your free time in automobile related activities?


You might be car crazy if

-- Your license plate says ILUVIT.
-- You have the original window sticker for your car.
-- You stop and slowly crawl over speed bumps.
-- You got a speeding ticket on your way to Sunday school.
-- The carryout boy at the supermarket begged you to adopt him.
-- Your favorite song is Willie Nelson's "On the Road Again"
-- You have a designated parking place at the premium gas pump.
-- Parking valets tip you to park your car.
-- You take a sick day from work due to new car fever.
-- You have Ultra 94 octane in your blood.
-- You're so cool that your windshield has frost in the summer.
-- You have a theory on what color of car is the fastest.
-- You grind your teeth when you see a semi behind you.
-- Truck drivers grind their teeth when they see you.
-- You are wearing a cap with a motor sports logo.
-- Your dog is named Mud Racer.
-- You are customer of the year at the local auto parts store.
-- You never outgrew your need to collect hot wheel cars.
-- You can only park in places worthy of your car's presence.
-- You spent your honeymoon on a cross-country road run.
-- You don't use car air fresheners. They spoil the leather smell.
-- You read auto parts catalogs just for fun.
-- You met your spouse at a car & swap show.
-- You keep asking your car, "Can't you go any faster?"
-- The highway patrol signed you up for a frequent flyer plan.
-- You refer to your vacation as the "modified madness" trip.
-- You have a heated garage to keep your car warm.
-- You carry pictures of hot cars in your wallet.
-- Your friends call you the Mechanical Man.
-- Your car is stored in the winter and only comes out in the spring.


Copyright 2006 Sheila Moss
 
 



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