Britney
Booted
 In a recent development, pop star Britney Spears has been
asked to turn in her redneck membership card. Born in
Mississippi and reared in Louisiana, Britney automatically
became a member of redneck culture as her birthright. It has
recently been confirmed that Ms. Spears continues to claim
Louisiana as her legal residence, even though she has not lived
there in a number of years.
The redneck community was shocked and surprised at her recent
unusual behavior in which she is said to have married and then
immediately ended the marriage as a spur of the moment prank.
Rednecks are known to embrace conservative views toward marriage
and family.
Rednecks have continued to support Britney even though she
chose to go into popular music instead of country music, which
is the traditional music of the redneck culture. They were
willing to let it slide when she posed in scantly clothed
magazine pictures. It is even rumored that the magazine sold
quite well from under drugstore counters, wrapped in plain brown
paper.
However, her latest bizarre behavior of marrying and
annulling her marriage in a period of 55 hours was just more
than the redneck community could tolerate, even though she was
married in the conventional redneck attire of torn jeans and a
baseball cap, showing her ties to the community.
"She's making us look even more stupid than we actually
are!" commented Bubba, owner of a combination gas station
and laundromat.
"Talk about dumb blonds," added beauty
shop operator Tammy Jo, widely known not only for her hairstyles
but also for her ability to chew gum and tease hair at the same
time.
"She didn’t even have big hair! She’s not a
mentor to anyone!" exclaimed Elsie Mae; "It’s
downright embarrassing!"
It was only after serious consideration and several rounds of
beer that the committee of good ol’ boys decided on withdrawal
of the redneck membership. It was unanimously agreed down at the
official sports bar and live bait shop, that no one should be
allowed to tarnish the image of rednecks that so many have given
so much to create. (They were not intoxicated at the time.)
This will be the first time a member of the redneck community
has been disclaimed for inappropriate behavior. Rednecks are,
for the most part, a friendly and easy-going bunch, tolerating a
wide range of recreational activities, as long as you don’t
irritate them with Yankee talk or aggravate the dogs.
Ms. Spears was not available for comment as she is still
recovering from her impetuous fling over the weekend. Her legal
representatives say, however, that they do not intend to
challenge the committee’s decision to boot Britney. "We
are all good friends," they stated. The courts were
relieved to hear this as they have already had enough stupid
cases for one week.
We were unable to obtain a photo of the terminated redneck
membership card to circulate on the Internet; however, we were
able to obtain a statement from her temporary husband, still
residing in Louisiana. "Wanna bid on the video, man?"
he said, prior to peeling out and laying rubber down Main Street
with his pickup truck. It is rumored that the video is expected
to show up soon on E-Bay.
It is believed that Spear’s record sales will not be
affected by withdrawal of redneck support. A publicist stated
that Britney would continue to sell CDs and pose for photos of
her belly button as usual. It may be noted, however, that the
redneck market accounts for a large percentage of all tape and
CD sales, rednecks not being smart enough to pirate them off the
Internet for free.
At a press conference, redneck community representatives,
Billy Bob and Lucy, announced that there would be a Britney
bash, fish fry, and media photo opportunity at the fairgrounds
immediately following tomorrow’s tractor pull. Redneck
representatives from all over the US are expected to attend to
eat hushpuppies and show their support for the landmark
decision.
|
