Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
- In More Ways than One
it over yet? Is it safe to go out? I'm talking about Black Friday, of
course, what did you think? On Thursday we are thankful for our
blessings. On Friday we are thankful for bargains.
I'm sure you saw the ads for all the things that will be on sale: 40
inch flat-screens for $200, X-Boxes and iPods at ridiculously low
prices. No, of course, I don't need any of that stuff. I don't even
know what half of the electronics they advertise are. But what does
that matter? Get out the credit cards. Buy now and pay later.
Most places are opening earlier than ever, some at midnight. I didn't
want to take any chances so I've been in line since last Monday. At
least it seems like that. I considered bringing a tent, but I didn't
want to be mistaken for a protester. I would miss out on all the
On Black Friday, capitalism rules. Greed is king. Consume, consume,
consume, whether you need any more stuff or not. It's the patriotic
things to do. Support our merchants; keep Wal-Mart and Target
profitable. Keep Best Buy from going under. Don't worry about who will
keep you from going under.
I had my strategy planned. I made a test run the week before, routing
out the path to the items I wanted most. I had on my running shoes and
my sweatpants. I even had a parka in case of rain. I was ready to
This time I will stay out of the way of runaway shopping carts pushed
by bargain-crazed housewives. I remember what happened the year my
foot was run over. The shopper didn't even bother to stop and check
out the damage. My foot was blue for a week. So, what did I learn from
that, you ask? I learned not to shop at places that have carts.
Everyone was waiting for the doors to open so we could charge. I was
at the front of the line waiting for the doors to be unlocked at
midnight. I still don't know what happened. All I remember is dreaming
I was trampled by a herd of elephants.
After I was done at the ER, it was too late to shop. But the stores
open at 7:00 on Saturday. I've still got 15 percent off coupons and
plan to buy as much as I can so I will save more money. I think I can
get around well enough on my crutches.
Spending money is the best way to help the economy isn't it? That's
what they keep telling us anyhow. I'm not worried about the economy
getting worse next year. But in case it does, I want to get plenty of
stuff now while I can.
Cyber Monday is coming and I can look online for all the stuff I
didn't get this weekend. Shopping online is not as exciting, but you
can look for exactly what you need without being distracting by all
the other stuff you want.
If have any credit left on my credit card, I will go back after
Christmas and get all the stuff I found that I wanted for myself when
I was buying gifts for other people. Everything will be on sale. I can
return the things people got for me that I don't want and spend any
gift cards I have before they expire.
Now that I think of it, gift cards are not a bad idea. Maybe I will
get gift cards next time and save all the gas, time, anxiety and
energy of shopping. Oh, well, if they don't like what I bought, they
can take it back after Christmas and get something else.
When I see all the bargains, I can't help myself. Only 30 days to shop
between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Copyright 2011 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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