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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Birthday Boy....
 


The Birthday Boy

My honey has a birthday tomorrow. So, whatís the big deal? I mean, we all have one every year. Why must we continue to feel compelled to celebrate long after childhood and into adulthood? Well, okay, I guess every one deserves to be special at least once a year.

Problem is, once again Iíve failed to plan ahead. The last minute has come and I have no gift. The age-old problem strikes again. What to get him? Men! They are impossible to buy a gift for. Shirts, ties? He has enough. He doesnít want more of that stuff. After-shave? He has a five-year supply already. Computer gadgets, records, books? Too late to shop on the net now like I did at Christmas. I should have planned ahead.

What does he really NEED? Shouldnít it be something a person needs? Well, how about a pair of shoes? Dumb gift! But he did show me a hole in his sole, and rant about how he had to get some new loafers. Yes, SHOES are just what he really NEEDS. But how can I pick out menís shoes? Even if I get the right size and the right style, shoes are one thing that really has to be tried on. A gift certificate? Surely I can be more creative than that.

I know, a token pair of shoes Ė like baby shoes Ė with a little note that says, "These represent the new shoes you are gonna get later," or something like that. Maybe he can hang them on the rear view mirror in his car. Iíve been working on making him into a redneck anyhow. NoÖ somehow, I just donít think thatís gonna work. I need to come up with something else.

Maybe I can just write a note in a card. I decide to go to the card shop. Wouldnít you know it? Hallmark has a display case full of miniature shoes. Perfect! Look at the little sneaker! It will make a cute paperweight, and I can put a note in it that indicates it represents the real pair of shoes I will help him pick out later. Iím pretty pleased with myself. These Hallmark folks think of everything, donít they? Life is good.

So, I wrapped up the little shoe in the little shoebox with the little I.O.U. note inside. On the Big Day, I put the gift on his computer chair where he would be sure to find it. SURPRISE!

"I didnít understand your gift," said my honey. "I thought it was a paperweight."

Argh, he didnít like it!

"But, then I saw the note," he continued.

Whew, saved!!!

So, Iíve successfully procrastinated shopping for a gift one more time. Itís gonna start catching up with me, though. Heís already talking about going shopping for shoes on Saturday. Saturday? Iím too busy - Iím too tired - okay, okay, Iím too lazy!

I thought only men put things off. Why must he be the thoughtful, considerate one who always shops ahead for nice gifts while I wait until the eleventh hour? I gotta do better next year. Iím turning over a new leaf. But right now, Iíve got to figure out how to put off this trip to the shopping mall until NEXT Saturday.


Copyright 2001 Sheila Moss
 
 



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