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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Happy Birthday to Me....
 


Happy Birthday to Me….

Happy birthday to me… You’d think that someone would remember… besides my mother who sent me a check.. Happy birthday to me. I’ll buy myself a gift and take the day off work. No one will mind… They don’t even know it’s my birthday.

"I won’t be at work Monday. I’m taking the day off."

"Happy birthday, and have a nice day." So… they DID know.

Not even a card? Oh, well, that’s why I’m taking off, remember? I’ll gift myself. I need new glasses, and I can spend my mother’s check for something special that I really want. Happy birthday to me.

Why won’t the stupid car start? How can I go shopping? And after I took the day off work too! It probably needs a new battery. Happy birthday to the car. It finally starts and I leave it at the car dealership while I shop.

So… I buy some glasses that cost twice as much as I’d hoped. Happy birthday to the eye clinic. I’m going shopping anyway. It’s my birthday, remember? I’ll buy some summer things, maybe an outfit. Happy birthday to me… My mother’s check doesn’t quite cover it, so I pay for the rest myself. Happy birthday to the department store.

"The car needs a battery," says the voice on the cell phone. "Oh, great!" Did you note the sarcasm in my voice? Why did I mention a battery to them? No discounts from the car dealership, birthday or not. Not exactly what I had in mind for a birthday gift. Happy birthday to the car repair shop…

No one remembers… Oh, well. But back at work the next day, there’s a card on my chair. Happy birthday! One person remembered. Happy birthday to me, and from now on I’ll know who my friends are… er… is.

I am invited out to dinner the next day. My son remembered! I only found out later that someone reminded him. But I did get a nice dinner out of it, so why am I feeling neglected? I ordered a steak. Happy birthday to me…

And later on, I received a gift card from my honey, who said he remembered, but got mixed up on the day. And cards from my daughter and grandson who also got mixed up on the day, and a lemon pie with a candle because: "We didn’t think you liked cake." I don’t like lemon pie either, but that’s beside the point.

It’s the thought that counts, of course. And I did get a nice gift card for my favorite department store. Happy birthday to me. Obviously, I’m ungrateful. Happy birthday to me… now I can go shopping… again. 

I also got an e-card from my cosmetic sales lady and 15% off the next purchase, which should bring her some business. Happy birthday to Mary Kay… I also got a card from my chiropractor. That figures, the older the better for business. Happy birthday to the doc.

No flowers, fireworks, or parties… so what… I have a birthday every year, and what does one more matter… really? Other people are busy and have other things to do. Everyone has a birthday and they can’t even remember their own. Who wants to be reminded that we are all getting older anyhow?

All told, I racked up pretty good. And the important people did remember… sort of… only two days late…. So, happy birthday to me…

 


Copyright 2004 Sheila Moss
 
 



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