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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Dry As Arizona....
 


Dry As Arizona


I feel as if Iíve been driving around in the rain all day. Thatís probably because I have. If I had gone in a straight line instead of loops and circles, I could have been to Arizona by now, where itís dry.

It all started this morning when I got up and it was pouring down rainÖ again. It seems to do a lot of that lately. ďApril showers bring May flowers,Ē my grandson tells me. All I can say is that we can expect a bumper crop of posies this year.

I usually ride to work with honey. ďItís raining,Ē he said, as if I hadnít noticed. ĒDidnít you hear what they said on TV? There are already two wrecks on the interstate. We need to leave early.Ē

Early? I am having a hard time getting ready late.

Anyhow, I rushed around and we finally left. It wasnít until we were 5 miles down the road that I remember I had forgotten something Ė my car.

ďTake me back! I forgot I was driving my own car today! I have to leave early.Ē

ďIíll never get to work,Ē he grumbled. ďWhy donít you just use my car and come back and get me after work. Itís easier.Ē

ďEasier for who?Ē I wondered.

But, thatís what we did. Traffic was awful, as it usually is when it rains, and we didnít want to return to ďGOĒ and start over.

Only three hours later, it was time for me to leave work. I drove back home in the rain to pick up my daughter for her doctorís appointment, which was 10 miles in the opposite direction.

My car was out of gas, naturally. It must be a law that cars always need gas when itís raining.

After the doctor, we had prescriptions to get filled, might as well shop for groceries while we are out, so we wonít have to do it later in the rain. (Instead, we will do it now in the rain.)

Thank goodness my garage door opener is working. Iíve been fighting with it all winter. It works when it feels like it, and thatís usually not when it is raining.

Thirty minutes spent at home, and itís time to drive back to town to pick up honey. Now his car is out of gas too, so I had to stop at the gas station again. Traffic is its usual miserable self, so it takes twice as long as it should to get there.

No use taking the interstate home. I could see on my way in that it was a 25 mile long parking lot. So, we came home on back roads through the puddles.

What a miserable day. Iím too tired to cook. Letís go to a restaurant. Did I mention that it was still raining?

Honey, who had been in his nice dry office all day, decided that we needed a few more things from the grocery store while we were out. ďWhy didnít you call me when you were there,Ē he asked.

I waited in the car while he went inside and watched people fight for parking places in the rain. Boy, if someone backs out, and another car is waiting, a different car better not even think about pulling in that place.

Have you notice how there are never any parking places near the front of the lot when it rains? But all those places suddenly empty after youíve already parked.

ďIím not filling up the gas tank tonight,Ē honey said. Good idea.

When I finally got home for the fifth time today, I decided I was not going anywhere else, regardless, not even Arizona where itís dry. If Arizona needs me, it will have to come here.


Copyright 2008 Sheila Moss

 
 



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Sometimes it takes more than ordinary umbrellas to keep things dry from the pouring rain during a storm. Patio umbrellas and large market umbrellas will keep your patio furniture as dry as possible. Don't forget a sturdy umbrella stand to make sure strong winds won't blow your umbrella away.


Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN  37219
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