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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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All I Want for Christmas...
   

All I Want for Christmas

My little granddaughter came in the other day smiling with her two front teeth missing. She's at that age when the baby teeth go and the permanent teeth come in.

"Where did your teeth go?" I asked. Silly question.

"I went to the dentist and he pulled them." She replied.

"Do you know that song 'All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth'?"

She said that she did. Bless her heart. Her permanent teeth were starting to erupt and it seems that the thing to do now is to get the baby teeth extracted so the others do not come in crooked or behind the other ones. Actually, what she probably needs for Christmas is her dental bill paid, but we won't go into that.

When I was a kid, baby teeth were pulled by tying a string to a door knob and the other end to the tooth and slamming the door. This seems a bit brutal now that I think of it. I think I just wiggled and wiggled my loose teeth until they finally were loose enough to fall out.

I asked her if she went to sleep for them to be pulled and she said "No, he just pulled them." I think maybe she just doesn't remember or else they were really loose already. Whatever, they are gone and she is okay with it.

These days it is hard to know what to get people for Christmas. Most of the people on my list already have their two front teeth and want gift cards or money. Seems so crass, but why give them something they don't want? Actually, I really like gift cards myself.

My grandson, at 12 years old, long ago got his two front teeth and found out about the Santa myth. Usually, he wants gift cards, which he calls "credit cards." This year, however, he came up with something better, an upgrade on his cell phone.

They tell me the popular gifts this year will be electronics: iPhones, iPods, and iPads. Boy, the price of Christmas keeps going up, just like the price of dentistry. If they get an IPad this year, it makes me wonder what they will be asking for next year. But I suppose the thing to do is worry about one year at a time.

Little kids like my granddaughter are easy to buy for. They like everything and the assortment of toys is unending. She probably has a list for Santa already. That's good, since her teeth will have to be a gift from nature, not from Santa.

Christmas has gotten way out of hand. In spite of Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and the endless ads and catalogs that come in the mail, people say they already have everything they want. I guess that means everything but an iPad.

What I really need the most is for everything in the house to quit breaking at the same time. The septic tank backed up, the washing machine broke down, the car had to have a battery, and the phone quit working, all in the last few weeks. That is not to even mention how the chandelier fell out of the ceiling and crashed on the table for no reason at all.

Maybe Santa could bring me some better luck. Either that or he should avoid my house altogether as he may break a leg – or lose his two front teeth.

If you know of a way to bring good luck to your home, please let me know. In the meantime I'm trying to think of a way to get my granddaughter to sing "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth" so I can make a video. Now that would truly be a gift that is priceless.


Copyright 2010 Sheila Moss
 
 



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