Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
To carry her weekly column in your
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Online Since 1999
I was at work and it was my daughter calling. I had to put
another call on hold to answer.
"Hold on for a minute."
"Mom, I can't, it's an emergency!"
"Just a minute, I'll be right back."
The person on the other line just wanted a phone number, which I
was trying to give them.
"Mom! I had a wreck! I was hit by a semi!"
That got my attention, "Are you all right?" She was
"Yes, I'm on the Interstate. The police are here!"
Good grief, don't you just love cell phones? There is nothing
like getting an eyewitness accident report when you are at the
office and can't do anything about it.
"Are you hurt? Tell them to take you to the
A third line on my phone was now ringing and going unanswered.
"Iím okay, Iíve gotta talk to the police now!"
"Where are you?" She told me. "I'll be right
The first line gave up, and the other line kept on ringing. I
don't know if the first person ever got the phone number or not.
I also donít know why I'm supposed to be directory assistance
anyhow, but that's another story.
I called my boss and explained that I had to leave. . . then I
realized that I didn't have a car. I called my honey and told
him the story. He called his boss and explained that he had to
My daughter called again, "They are towing the car,"
"Go to the hospital!" I told her.
By the time we got out of the parking garage and drove the
fifteen miles, the car had already been towed and my daughter
was gone. I wasn't sure whether to try the hospital or go home.
I called her from my cell, "Where are you?"
We arrived at the house to find her on the door step wrapped in
a blanket shivering. The police gave her a ride home, but she
was locked out. That figures. Her keys were in the car.
"Are you okay, do you want to go to the hospital?" How
can someone be in a car that was run over by an 18-wheeler on
the Interstate and be okay? She continued to assure me she was
"He changed lanes and I was right beside him. My car went
under the truck." I knew exactly what she meant. I have had
the same thing almost happen to me several times.
Later when I told other people, they all said the same thing.
"That has nearly happened to me." It seems that trucks
have a very large blind spot and if they donít know you are
there, you may end up as tinfoil.
The car is now in the junkyard waiting for the giant beer can
crusher to take it to the big recycling center in the sky.
I open the mail today and there was a card from the car
dealership, "Happy Birthday to your car." Guess they
don't know it's deceased. If I tell them, they will be delighted
to fix us up with another one, I'm sure, for the right price. I
can practically hear them rubbing their hands together now.
Take my advice and never have children. They will make you
crazy. If you already have children, never let them have a
driver's license or a car. If you do, don't let them have a cell
phone. And if all else fails, don't give them your phone number.
Now, since my daughter doesn't want to go to the doctor, would
someone please take me?
Copyright 2005 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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