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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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It's All about Me

Fashion modelI am in a fashion rut, I decided. All I wear is tee shirts. I need some pretty blouses to wear to work. I used to wear skirts or dresses, but pants are much more comfortable. I wear them most of the time now. Still, it would be nice to have something a wee bit dressier than a tee.

It is time to go shopping. I try on dozens of blouses, but nothing seems right. They are too small, too large, too bright, too teenage, or too old-lady looking. On the other hand, they have a lot of cute tee shirts. Take for example the black Vera Wang ...

"No, stop it! I am not looking at tees." I have a closet full of tees and that is why I am here, remember?

I narrow it down to three blouses that I like that are feminine, do not have necklines down to my belly-button, are not large floral sofa prints, and have sleeves long enough to cover my pale arms. I use a gift card and a 15% off promotional card. Everything is on sale. By the time I am done, I get clothes practically for free (my favorite word).

DAY 1 - I select the pink floral challis, very nice. I have also splurged for a couple pairs of capris since they were on sale too. I pair up the blouse with the black pants and a strand of pearls. Very chic. I am a fashion statement. But when I get to work, no one even notices that I have on something new. Surely someone will say, "Is that new? Did you go shopping?" Nada. Not a word. I'm miffed.

DAY 2 - I wear my new print blouse in aqua and navy. The description calls it an animal print, but I've never seen an aqua animal. I have a lot of turquoise jewelry that I seldom wear, and this gives me the opportunity to wear my aqua bead necklace with the shell focus bead. Paired up with the navy capris, it makes a darling outfit, to me at least, but apparently not to anyone else. Mum is the word. No one says a thing.

DAY 3 - Okay, after declaring how much I hate purple, I finally decided to buy something purple and give it a whirl. It isn't solid purple, only a purple print, but more purple than I ever wear. And wouldn't you just know it. I am minding my own business, trying to find folders in the supply room and one of my co-workers compliments my outfit. "I like that color," she says. So much for not wearing purple. I'm going to have to bite the bullet and get over my purple bias.

I have mixed feelings about fashion. On the one hand, I can't stand women who are so vain that all they can think about is clothes, makeup, and jewelry. Like teenagers, they are so narcistic that they think everyone is looking at them and actually cares what they wear. Fashion magazines play on vanity with insignificant criticism of celebrities. "Two clothes-conscious starlets wore the same dress. Which one wore it best?" Gag!

Still, we have to wear something. Most of us want to look presentable in public. I'm now on a roll with buying new clothes. It's an obsession. Once I start, I can't stop. I've ordered some new tops out of an online catalog now. They looked really nice in the pictures. Hope they look as great in person. I've been tracking delivery for five days, anxiously waiting.

Now that I've browsed clothing sites and purchased merchandise off the Internet, the cookies on my computer have gone ballistic. They know my taste and keep showing ads for things I like. My PayPal account is spinning like a top. I'm developing a serious shopping compulsion. Can I become a clothes-horse in only a week?

It's all about me, people. Watch out world, and don't get between me and the clothes racks if you value your life.


Copyright 2012 Sheila Moss
 
 



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