Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||It's All about Me...
It's All about Me
am in a fashion rut, I decided. All I wear is tee shirts. I need
some pretty blouses to wear to work. I used to wear skirts or
dresses, but pants are much more comfortable. I wear them most
of the time now. Still, it would be nice to have something a wee
bit dressier than a tee.
It is time to go shopping. I try on dozens of blouses, but
nothing seems right. They are too small, too large, too bright,
too teenage, or too old-lady looking. On the other hand, they
have a lot of cute tee shirts. Take for example the black Vera
"No, stop it! I am not looking at tees." I have a
closet full of tees and that is why I am here, remember?
I narrow it down to three blouses that I like that are feminine,
do not have necklines down to my belly-button, are not large
floral sofa prints, and have sleeves long enough to cover my
pale arms. I use a gift card and a 15% off promotional card.
Everything is on sale. By the time I am done, I get clothes
practically for free (my favorite word).
DAY 1 - I select the pink floral challis, very nice. I have also
splurged for a couple pairs of capris since they were on sale
too. I pair up the blouse with the black pants and a strand of
pearls. Very chic. I am a fashion statement. But when I get to
work, no one even notices that I have on something new. Surely
someone will say, "Is that new? Did you go shopping?"
Nada. Not a word. I'm miffed.
DAY 2 - I wear my new print blouse in aqua and navy. The
description calls it an animal print, but I've never seen an
aqua animal. I have a lot of turquoise jewelry that I seldom
wear, and this gives me the opportunity to wear my aqua bead
necklace with the shell focus bead. Paired up with the navy
capris, it makes a darling outfit, to me at least, but
apparently not to anyone else. Mum is the word. No one says a
DAY 3 - Okay, after declaring how much I hate purple, I finally
decided to buy something purple and give it a whirl. It isn't
solid purple, only a purple print, but more purple than I ever
wear. And wouldn't you just know it. I am minding my own
business, trying to find folders in the supply room and one of
my co-workers compliments my outfit. "I like that
color," she says. So much for not wearing purple. I'm going
to have to bite the bullet and get over my purple bias.
I have mixed feelings about fashion. On the one hand, I can't
stand women who are so vain that all they can think about is
clothes, makeup, and jewelry. Like teenagers, they are so
narcistic that they think everyone is looking at them and
actually cares what they wear. Fashion magazines play on vanity
with insignificant criticism of celebrities. "Two
clothes-conscious starlets wore the same dress. Which one wore
it best?" Gag!
Still, we have to wear something. Most of us want to look
presentable in public. I'm now on a roll with buying new
clothes. It's an obsession. Once I start, I can't stop. I've
ordered some new tops out of an online catalog now. They looked
really nice in the pictures. Hope they look as great in person.
I've been tracking delivery for five days, anxiously waiting.
Now that I've browsed clothing sites and purchased merchandise
off the Internet, the cookies on my computer have gone
ballistic. They know my taste and keep showing ads for things I
like. My PayPal account is spinning like a top. I'm developing a
serious shopping compulsion. Can I become a clothes-horse in
only a week?
It's all about me, people. Watch out world, and don't get
between me and the clothes racks if you value your life.
Copyright 2012 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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