Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
To carry her weekly column in your
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Online Since 1999
||70 Year Old Car....
clackity, clackity. "What is that noise?" I
wondered. No, the left-turn signal was not on this time. I
could not tell where the sound was coming from. When the car
stopped, the noise stopped too. "It will probably go
away," I thought. "It's nothing."
like cavities in your teeth, funny car noises do not heal
themselves. I am mechanically impaired, but I did have a car
once that had clattering valves. Could it be valve clatter?
I asked my daughter to listen to it.
"I don't hear anything," she said. That proves it.
I found some green oily-looking stuff on the floor of the
garage. "It looks fresh, but it is probably old. The car
is running and none of the gages show anything. It is
okay," I told myself. "There is nothing seriously
so my car is 70 years old in car years. Supposedly, if you
divide the mileage by the year, you can find out how old a car
is in human-years. But I take really good care of it. I give
it only premium gas, I change its oil every time I am supposed
to. I have it serviced at a dealership. So, why is it leaking
oil and making a noise?
It has only been driven by a little
old lady at 35 mph.
"The car is making that noise
again. I heard it today," my daughter informed me. We
could not both be imagining the same noise, could we? Face it,
the car is a senior citizen.
I have things to do and places to go. I
don't have time for the car to have a senior moment. But I
don't have time to get stranded on the road either, or have
the noise get worse and tear up the entire motor.
Suddenly, fixing the car became an
I called Cindy at the auto shop and made
an appointment. "It is making a clackity sound," I
told Cindy. "It only does it when the car is
moving." I didn't tell her what I thought it was. No use
suggesting something expensive. They have diagnostic equipment
and expert mechanics.
Cindy called me later. "It is the
serpentine belt," she said. I didn't know what that was,
but I was happy when she told me they could replace it.
"We are not sure about the leak," she said. "I
want the transmission guy to look at it and he is out of town
this week. Can you bring it back?"
Transmission? My heart stopped as I
watched hundred-dollar bills sprout wings and fly out of my
purse. "Okay, I will bring it back." I was sure it
was going to have a spasm and drop the entire transmission on
the Interstate somewhere on the way home.
Nothing is worse than having a car that
is over the hill and not dependable. Finally, the next week
came and I took it back, knowing the car was senile and the
diagnosis could be chronic.
called Cindy later to check on it. "Oh, Joe is working on
another job," she said. "I'll have to tell him to
check it." In a while she called back. "It is the
transmission oil pan." She said. I didn't know what that
was either, but it sounded better than a fried transmission.
"We will have to service the transmission, but he should
have it ready today before we close."
a relief. It will not be pushing up daisies for a while yet.
Seventy is the new 50. Maybe I will fill up the gas tank and
take it to the car wash, just to let it know I am not ready to
put it out to pasture.
only wish cars had Medicar.
Copyright 2014 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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