Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||Hate Mail to I-24....
Mail to I-24
I know it is probably a shock to find out that not everyone
likes the Interstate Highway system, but some of us are getting
sick of your consistently bad behavior.
hate your dark asphalt and your multiple fast-moving lanes. No
one seems to be able to stay in one lane. They keep switching
lanes and passing. Why don't they realize we will all end up in
the same place sooner or later?
I travel on you almost every day, not because I want to but
because there is no other way to get where I'm going. Commuters
have become so dependent on you, that alternative routes seem
impossibly slow. Local roads are neglected and their numerous
stop lights uncoordinated. The focus is now on you and not on
I hate the way you intersect with other Interstates. There are
never enough funds to build elaborate interchanges. So, I-24 and
your good buddies I-40 and I-65 come together in a haphazard
fashion that would drive any highway engineer insane. The
Interstates merge and crisscross, another of your five-lane
I hate the overhead electric signs flashing the number of
fatalities. Can't you be more positive? I especially hate your
billboards that do nothing but make some advertising company
rich at the expense of drivers' attention. The most hideous
signs are the electronic billboards, flashing several different
ads in sequence. How are we supposed concentrate in this
I hate your monstrous traffic jams. When a wreck happens,
traffic is backed up for miles and miles. Actually, it doesn't
even take an accident to stop the traffic flow. A traffic stop
or flashing blue light can create enough of a diversion to slow
traffic to a crawl while drivers rubber neck.
I guess you are in a hurry to get where you are going, I-24:
From Illinois, to Paducah, to Nashville, to Chattanooga, to
Georgia. You are so hard-surfaced that you don't care how
frustrated people are with you in the cities you pass though.
I hate every pothole and every patch of you. You are not nearly
as smooth as you seem to think you are. You are only out to give
people a ride. I hate life in the fast lane. I hate your HOV
lanes for vehicles with two or more passengers. That's really
enforceable, isn't it?
I hate the large trucks that think they own the road. They are
supposed to stay in the two right-hand lanes, but they can't
read the signs as they are going too fast. Little wonder that
one of the most dangerous stretches of highway in the country is
a steep grade between Nashville and Chattanooga.
I hate your orange barrels and construction zones. I hate the
way they close you down on the weekend to resurface you. Of
course, you do need a face-lift, especially after they scarify
you to make the asphalt stick. The construction seems to go on
forever. Will you never be finished?
There is hardly a day when I travel on you without seeing
something that should be called in to 911: road rage, an animal
on the roadway, a broken down motorist, a speeder who imagines
he is a NASCAR driver, a road hog refusing to allow cars to
merge, tailgaters two inches off someone's bumper, and
white-knuckle drivers that are afraid to drive. You seem to
bring out the worst in people.
I just wanted to let you know how I feel, I-24. I know you are
hard-hearted and don't give a whit about the incidents that take
place because of you. So, you just go on thinking you are the
king of the road, but one day you will find that life has passed
you by and a new bypass will take your traffic. It couldn't
happen to a more deserving highway.
Copyright 2012 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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