Humor Columnist

HOMEBESTCOLUMNSHUMORARCHIVESCONTACT
 
 HOME

 COLUMNIST

 BEST

 COLUMNS

 ARCHIVES

 HUMOR 

 EDITOR  INFO

 FIREFLIES

 LONDON 

 EGYPT SERIES

 NEW ENGLAND

 FRIENDS

 LINK TO US

 WEB RINGS

 LINKS

 LINK SWAP

 SUBSCRIBE

 CONTACT

Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

    Follow her on 
Facebook and Twitter.


 

Follow me on Facebook 
Sheila Moss


Create Your Badge
Write on my Wall

   
National Society of
Newspaper Columnists

HumorColumnist.com
Online Since 1999

10 Commandments for Elevators...
 


Ten Commandments for Elevators

.
A recent controversy in metro was whether or not the Ten Commandments should be posted in public buildings. Now most people probably figured the question of separation of church and state was pretty much resolved a long time ago, but this is Tennessee, after all, where the question of teaching evolution is still controversial in some circles.

So proponents of a Ten Commandments Law thumped their Bibles, while opponents thumped the First Amendment, and all of them thumped the lawmakers.

Nobody asked me, as usual. But if they had, I would have said that the movie has been on rerun for years. What we really need to have posted in our public buildings is something less controversial like the Ten Commandments for Elevators.

1. Thou shalt avoid eye contact with thy fellow riders. Thou shalt look at the floor indicator, at the door, or at thy feet, but never at the other people in the elevator.

2. Thou shalt expect the elevator to stop at every floor if thou art in a hurry. (God hath borrowed this law from Murphy.)

3. Thou shalt not snooze or thou wilst miss thy floor.

4. Thou shalt not take in vain the name of the fat lady with the large purse, big lunch and tote bag.

5. Thou shalt not kill the person who getteth on with a mail cart and runneth over thy toe.

6. Remember to letteth the elevator door close and to not holdeth the elevator door open to visit with thy neighbors.

7. Thou shalt always face frontwards instead of towards the back - unless thou art on candid camera.

8. Thou shalt not make jokes about elevators getting stuck.

9. Thou shalt never press a button for a floor other than thy own. Elevators do not haveth an "undo" button.

10. Thou shalt not let thy wet umbrella drip in thy neighbor’s shoe; however, that is better than letting it drip in thine own shoe.

Now if anybody wants to lobby a councilman to introduce this bill, you have my permission. However, I’m really not interested in waiting around for that and if you need me, you can find me outside chiseling some stone tablets.

 


Copyright 2002 Sheila Moss
 
 



Get the
Humor Columnist Newsletter


Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN  37219
E-Mail

AVAILABLE  NOW


E-Mail
Autographed Copy
$5.00 + $4 shipping



Buy it now!
$5.00 + shipping
E-Mail

      home · best . columns · humor · archives · contact  
    © Copyright 1999-2015 Sheila Moss - All rights reserved - © Template by thetemplatestore.com
The copyright for this website and the material on this website are owned by Sheila Moss.
You may request permission to use the copyrighted materials on this website by writing to Sheila Moss.
Use of these copyrighted materials without written permission may result in legal action against you.