A recent controversy in metro was whether or not the Ten
Commandments should be posted in public buildings. Now most
people probably figured the question of separation of church
and state was pretty much resolved a long time ago, but this
is Tennessee, after all, where the question of teaching
evolution is still controversial in some circles.
So proponents of a Ten Commandments Law thumped their
Bibles, while opponents thumped the First Amendment, and all
of them thumped the lawmakers.
Nobody asked me, as usual. But if they had, I would have
said that the movie has been on rerun for years. What we
really need to have posted in our public buildings is
something less controversial like the Ten Commandments for
1. Thou shalt avoid eye contact with thy fellow riders.
Thou shalt look at the floor indicator, at the door, or at thy
feet, but never at the other people in the elevator.
2. Thou shalt expect the elevator to stop at every floor if
thou art in a hurry. (God hath borrowed this law from Murphy.)
3. Thou shalt not snooze or thou wilst miss thy floor.
4. Thou shalt not take in vain the name of the fat lady
with the large purse, big lunch and tote bag.
5. Thou shalt not kill the person who getteth on with a
mail cart and runneth over thy toe.
6. Remember to letteth the elevator door close and to not
holdeth the elevator door open to visit with thy neighbors.
7. Thou shalt always face frontwards instead of towards the
back - unless thou art on candid camera.
8. Thou shalt not make jokes about elevators getting stuck.
9. Thou shalt never press a button for a floor other than
thy own. Elevators do not haveth an "undo" button.
10. Thou shalt not let thy wet umbrella drip in thy
neighbor’s shoe; however, that is better than letting it
drip in thine own shoe.
Now if anybody wants to lobby a councilman to introduce
this bill, you have my permission. However, I’m really not
interested in waiting around for that and if you need me, you
can find me outside chiseling some stone tablets.