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Meet the
Columnist
Columnist, Sheila
Moss, is a free-lance writer from Tennessee. She writes
funny stuff about southern life, women's issues, family
matters and anything else that she finds amusing.
She is
seen weekly in the Daily News of Kingsport and Hill
Country Times and
appears in a monthly humor publication called Foolish
Times. She has written for Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner,
Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books have recently published a number of her
articles in their Let There Be Laughter series of
books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous other publications, both print and online.
She is a board member and the Web
Editor of Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
Columnists, the
oldest and largest professional organization
for news columnists. She is also the Web Editor of
SouthernHumorists.com as well as this website, HumorColumnist.com.
To carry her self- syndicated weekly column in your
newspaper, or
to republish an
article, please contact her. It's that easy.
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National
Society of
Newspaper Columnists
HumorColumnist.com
Online Since 1999

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Sheila Moss... All New Articles...
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'I
went to Walmart to check out the selection, which wasn't the
greatest. What does a grandma know about buying a Barbie doll? I
selected a pretty-faced, blond called Beach Party Barbie and a
package of assorted Barbie clothes. So far I had a Barbie
investment of under $25.
Lately my granddaughter has been coming to visit. While I keep a
supply of all occasion toys, I found that I had a gross
deficiency in toys geared toward little girls. I needed to add a
few girly-girl toys directed toward her more feminine interests.
I
have recently returned from a trip to Indiana University for the
annual conference of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists.
The three days there were such a swirl of experiences that I feel a
bit like the monitor of my computer, which was green when I sat down
to write. The computer monitor was easy to fix once I found the right
button, but my own button is a bit harder to reset.
In most college towns there is a wide diversity of intellectual
experiences and Indiana University is certainly typical in that
respect. We crammed a whole lot of activity into a very short time.
Gizmo is really a good dog most of the time. He's a 15 years
old Sheltie who long ago outlived most of the other dogs of
his breed. He spends most of his days napping and dreaming.
His arthritis prevents much running and playing, and we don't
think he hears or sees too well either.
Here lately, he really has us worried as he won't eat. He just
doesn't seem to like his dog food any more. People food is
another story. He is the world's biggest moocher when anyone
is trying to eat. But the vet said "no people food"
as it isn't good for him.
I
don't know what it is with me and tooth problems lately. I've
made about six trips to the dentist office in the last few
weeks. I spend more time there than the dentist does. Pretty
soon I am going to ask for a designated parking space.
It all started when I had my teeth cleaned. I always have my
six month checkup so I won't have any dental emergencies.
Apparently, you can still have emergencies, regular checkups
or not. Life is not fair.
It
started off as usual, the morning routine, the commute to work, the
office tasks, with the only thing unusual being a trip to the employee
clinic where I get allergy shots. Nothing exciting around here; that's
for sure.
I left the building to walk across the street to the clinic. As I
stood waiting for the light to change, I noticed a black cloud in the
far distance.
"Looks as if we might get some rain," commented an elderly
gentleman also waiting for the light.
"I was thinking the same thing." I agreed.
They're
here! They're here! The tourists are here. Yes, it is tourist season
in Nashville and the city is crawling with Country Music fans. We
welcomed them in true Nashville fashion -- two thunderstorms in one
day, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. Already worried
about Nashville being under water, they were wishing they had packed
their life jackets and water wings.
Not to worry, the storms went away and the hot weather set in, the
hot humid summer weather, that is. Tourists out in the sun for
daytime concerts were sizzling in the sun and being treated for heat
exhaustion. Still, they are happy to be here and Nashville is glad
to see them.
I am cool,
ya'll. Yes, I may be a grandma, and I may have bad knees, but I am
still cool, especially when I drive my Corvette. When you drive a
sports car, everybody notices you, and everybody thinks you are cool.
Why else would you drive a Corvette?
Youngsters try to challenge you and want to pass or speed past a
Corvette. I just keep my cool. If they think they can really take a
car that can go 140 mph, let 'em dream. I'm so cool that I don't even
care.
Summer is here, time for sandals, but my favorite black pair
has fallen apart. What can I do? Maybe I can look on the
Internet and find a pair just like them. So, I search and
search and follow dead links to dead websites until I finally
realize that last year's sandals have gone out of style.
So, I decided to find a different pair, something similar --
but different. What else could I do? I checked out online shoe
stores and found several pairs that I liked.
"Ouch," I screamed. I had just fixed myself a nice bowl of
breakfast cereal, but when I bit down on it, a bolt of lightning shot
through my mouth. It can't be my tooth, I thought, I was just at the
dentist for a checkup this week. It's probably a sore place on my gum
from the cleaning.
By the next day, it was clear something was going on. Every time I
tried to chew, blue thunder crashed and bolts of electricity shot out
my ears. It couldn't be that bad, I consoled myself, or they would
have found it when I had the checkup. I'll call the dentist from the
office Monday.
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Sheila Moss
PO Box 198019
Nashville, TN 37219
E-Mail

Seen In

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Follow me on Twitter
@SheilaMoss
This
Old Corvette

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With
Sheila's Article
"The Ego Car"
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Including "How to
Spoil a Grandchild and Alienate a Daughter-in-Law in One Easy Lesson"
CASH IN ON LAUGHTER (Let There Be Laughter!)
Look for Sheila's
articles in this and other Guidepost Books Let There Be Laughter Series
"Courage for a New Day" non-humor
contribution to book
Last Update
July 24, 2010
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